Sephiroth and the Masamune
by FFlove190
Summary: Hojo takes away the Masamune and Sephiroth plots for a way to get it back... wait a second! Who would be stupid enough to try and steal his underwear? The Actual PLAN...R&R, please! IT IS COMPLETE! YAYYY!
1. Pantie Raid

Estuans interius ira vehementi

Estuans interius ira vehementi

Sephiroth

Sephiroth

)()(

Sephiroth was shaking with anger. Hojo had told him to kill his love for the Masamune. He had then taken Sphiroth's prized possession. As he made his way toward his room, the few SOLDIERs that were still in the hallways quickly scurried to the side, letting their very, very mad general pass without a second glance.

Amazingly, Sephiroth was able to sustain his anger so that he wouldn't pull the door off it's hinges and then slam it down. He couldn't be rude to Zack, who had his girlfriend(not Aeris, yet) over. He was then able to silently make it to his room.

His bedroom, was a bed, a desk, and a dresser. There was also a door leading into a private bathroom. The desk had a few papers upon it, along with a torn up picture of Hojo. He walked over to it, picked up the picture, took out his knife, and began to stab his face. He smirked and silently laughed as he threw it into the trash bin that was beside his desk. Sitting down, he opened the first drawer. Looking through it, he noticed that someone had gone through his files. Eye twitching, Sephiroth took out all of the files.

They were all out of order. He had kept them in the arrangement of dates in which he got them. It was obviously a prank, and Zack wasn't stupid enough to pull it. _The said person must still have been somewhere in the house, maybe Zack's girlfriend..._ Sephiroth thought. He shook his head. _No, she's still here. Zack would've kicked her out if she even set foot in my room. _He smirked. Then he heard a strange noise from the bathroom, like a whine. He stealthily walked over to the door and stood beside it.

"Crap!" said a male voice. "We're going to get caught!"

"Shut up!" a hushed voice ordered. "We have to find Sephiroth's underwear drawer... now, where would I be if I were the general's underwear?" Sephiroth quirked an eyebrow. _'Under-wear drawer?' Why would they need to look at my under-wear drawer? _He wondered stupidly. Of course, since no one was stupid enough. No one pulled pranks on him, so he never really understood what happened in a prank.

"On his ass!" the other voice chirped happily. There was a slight groan and a smack.

"I mean his underwear drawer," it sighed.

"Oh," another sigh. "I believe his dresser!" it chirped peppily.

"You're a genius!" the other one laughed lightly. Sephiroth moved so that he was just behind the area in which the door opened to, therefor he would be obscured from the two's view. The door opened fully, hitting Sephiroth lightly in the stomach. A guy with a regular ShinRa military uniform came out, followed by another. The first had ruffled brown hair that reached his temples, while the second had silky hair that reached his shoulders. The first one looked around and then walked over to the dresser. Sephiroth's eye twitched, they were in for a big surprise.

The second one followed timidly after the first, who had already opened the first drawer.

"We are going to get caught..." he said nervously. "I think we should just forget about it, John."

"Wow," John said. "Bob,(it's a fun name)" he sighed. "You have to see this." Bob scurried over and looked in as well. Sephiroth vaguely remembered throwing the Wutain weapons in that drawer... as well as most of the pictures of the ShinRa executives that he had thrown in there as well. He cringed, now he remembered. He stabbed each one a few times before throwing the whole lot of photos on top of the foreign weaponry. He especially stabbed Scarlet's the most...

-Flash back-

(_In the office of Scarlet, Head of Weapon's Development_)

"Sephiroth," the twenty-one year old asked. "How old are you again?"

"18 in one hour," he had stated dully. She smiled.

"And you are to be head of the ShinRa military, no?"

"Yes," he nodded slightly.

"Have you received anything from Hojo?" she asked, tilting her head and bringing her hands to her chin. "A report on the executives and such?" she continued.

"No." she looked a little surprised. "But, I am to go to office and office in order to familiarize myself with the staff." She scrunched up her face.

"Have they given you anything?" he nodded slightly, she looked confused again.

"Yes, picture's stating their name and their job." She nodded and opened a drawer on her desk, looking through it for something.

"You know, Sephy..."

"Sephi-_roth_," he corrected. She nodded.

"Right. Well, Sephi-_roth_, I wanted you to have this." She bent down out of view and then shot up in her chair, writing something on the back of a picture. She handed him the picture. "Don't look at it until you get back to your room." he nodded as he stood up and walked out of the door.

(_In his bedroom_)

Sephiroth took the picture of Scarlet out of his pocket. She was wearing a bra and her underwear. There was a kiss mark beside it, along with a note.

'Love ya' my Sephy-wephy.' it read. He quickly turned it over and it read: the date he had received it, Scarlet, and Head of Weapons Devolvement. He kept all of the pictures in top condition until he knew the people by heart, which was about a month later, then he stabbed each one. Scarlet's and Hojo's were the ones that were most torn up.

-End Flash back-

John picked up the photo of Scarlet, half of it falling off.

"'Love ya' my Sephy-wephy?!'" he said, now very confused. Bob's eyes darted.

"Are you sure he won't be back for a while?" Bob asked, voice cracking.

"Yes, I'm sure. Because he went to Hojo's lab tonight, you know he's always there until about one o'clock." he waved his friend off.

"But... it is one o' clock..." John dropped the picture, and looked around. Then he noticed that the files were out on the desk.

"Didn't you put those away?" he asked, very scared now.

"Yes," Bob responded, making his way to the window. After opening it and climbing out, John slowly did the same... unfortunately for him, Sephiroth had decided to confront him. John turned around and hit the general's stomach. Of course, being him... he had no idea what the general looked like. Sephiroth had Bob's collar and was holding him in position. Bob was very pale, his eye twitching every so slightly.

"Who are you?" John asked, looking up at Sephiroth.

"I believe that I am the one who should be asking questions," he said coldly. John looked over to the pale Bob, only after Bob had mouthed 'he's the general,' did it get through John's mind.

"You're.... you're the general...?" he asked, fear in his voice. Sephiroth nodded slightly.

"Why are you in here?" he asked coldly. John paled.

"Well, we uh... were dared to..." The rating that has been set onto this fanfic will not allow what was said, be

said. Instead, we'll just skip to the part where Sephiroth throws them out of the sixth floor window. They both survived by landing on the unlucky security guards that where making there rounds.

Sephiroth sighed and rubbed his temples. He was going to have to steal the Masamune back from Hojo. He started to pace. After the recent incident, it proved that he needed it. He continued to pace back and forth across his bedroom floor, grumbling every once in a while.

(_Meanwhile, in the living room_)

Zack frowned. Sephiroth wasn't anywhere to be seen. Not even a sound from his room, which was still black. He looked down at the ball of human flesh rolled up against his side. Sighing, he stood up, doing a little stretch.

"What's wrong dear?" his girlfriend said drearily.

"I'm worried about Seph. He hasn't come home yet." He too, started to pace. His girlfriend watched him. Sighing, she sat with her legs brought up to her chin.

"He's a big general," she stated. "He can take care of himself." Zack nodded.

"But not against Hojo..." he trailed off as he continued to pace, unbeknownst to him, he and Sephiroth were doing the same exact thing. Her eyes widened.

"You mean..." she asked, part trailed off.

"Yeah, Alex," he stopped pacing in order to give her a smile, but quickly continued. "Something bad happened... You know..." she nodded in agreement. He sat back down on the couch, alert as ever, as Alex laid down on his shoulder.

(_Back in Sephiroth's room_)

Sephiroth was still pacing. He glanced at the clock that rested on the bathroom counter. Three o' clock. Frowning, he went back to pacing. Too bad the gym wasn't open, or else he would be able to destroy some machinery, or et least damage Zack's face with the medicine ball. Waving away the thought, Sephiroth continued to pace.

Not one thing he did would go unnoticed by another staff member. It was almost as if Hojo had stuck security cameras into his room. He stopped pacing and let his eyes dart for a moment. Then, he went back to pacing. He had to get it back!

)()(

Estuans interius ira vehmenti

Estuans interius ira vehmenti

Sephiroth

Sephiroth

A/N: This was another random thing brought to you by my mind. My mind is unstable and can cause other's to look away in disgust. If you like that sort of thing, you're my friend. I have no idea what else to do, but I won't stand idly by and watch this fic die. But, I need some encouragement and some Reviews. Hmm... maybe the Review monster ate them all... while I ponder that... go, and do something else... like read another fanfic.

Disclaimer: I do not own the ShinRa, Hojo, the Masamune, Wutai, Scarlet, Zack, or my beloved Sephiroth(I believe Squaresoft does)... but I will one day! Buahahahahahaha! Ahem, I do, on the other hand own John, Bob, and Alex. Oh, also. The song was created by Nobuou Emastu(I think that's how it's spelled) and is called the One Winged Angel. It's my favorite song in the whole wide world, if you've heard it. That's great. If not. You will burn in the bowels of Hell... Sephiroth-less!


	2. Random ideas

A/N: I'm just going to pretend that you all reviewed as I continue this utterly pointless fan fic. I'm short on ideas, so this chapter is short. Get it? Well, you should... 'cause I barely do. And if I understand, you should understand... right?... I hope... wait a second, what? Efa. Just read this short chapter and review, we'll call it even then... alright?

Sors immanis, et inanis

Sors immanis, et inanis

Estuans interius ira vehementi

Estuans interius ira vehementi

)()(

As Sephiroth continued to pace, sunlight drifted into his room. Currently, he planned to have Zack distract Hojo and the other scientists while he snuck in and took the Masamune.

(_In crap, sketch-like, mode_)

Zack lays on a table with the scientific staff of ShinRa poking and prodding him. Sephiroth sneaks past on tiptoes(in plain sight, I might add) with an evil smirk on his face. He picks the lock on a cabinet and pulls out his wonderful 7' long sword, then tiptoes back out. When safely back in his bedroom, Sephiroth hugs the Masamune and little hearts appear around his head.

(_Back in reality_)

It had been about six hours and that was the best Sephiroth could come up with. He frowned. _I am the goddamned general of the ShinRa army!_ He thought. _I can come up with something better than that..._ he stopped in mid-step. _What if that is the best I can do?!_ He ran a hand through his long flowing silver hair. Nothing new, execpt for the plan that would surely fail. Plus, like Zack would act as the decoy... and how would he sneak past unnoticed?

Sighing, he smacked his head. Things were not going as planned. He usually had the day off after going to Hojo's lab. But, that gave him one week to create a devious plan to steal back the Masamune... maybe he should ask for help. _NO! _He thought. _I will not resort to asking for the service of an ally!_ When you start yelling at yourself mentally and try and be quiet as you forcefully smack you head with a balled up fist, you know you're insane. Sephiroth then proceeded to continue pacing back and forth(no... he doesn't get back under his eyes, 'cause he's perfect, well... close enough).

(_Meanwhile, in the living room... are we going to go back and forth again?_)

Zack could hear feet softly crunching against the carpet. Pulling open his eyes, he looked over to Alex, who had once again managed to sleep on his shoulder. He sighed and listened for the scrape of the leather... there it was. Proof that Sephiroth was home... and pacing. Zack was about to let himself fall back asleep when a thought hit him. _PACING?! _He thought, eyes wide. _What's wrong then?! _He got up so quickly that his girlfriend fell wit ha slight plop onto the rest of the leather, not even noticing his retreat.

Feeling that something was amiss, Zack headed for Sephiroth's room...

(_Back in the angered general's quarters..._)

Sephiroth continued to pace from side to side of the room. Stopping occasionally when a random idea popped into his brain. _I could by McDonald's for Hojo, then he would conduct experiments on it. Trying to figure out what a Big Mac is as I make for the Masamune... but wouldn't he just take it again... _ he continued to pace when there was a small knock on the door. But, being in the state of determined-ness that Sephiroth was, he didn't hear it. He probably couldn't hear anything outside his own mind at the moment.

"Sephiroth?" Zack's uncharacteristically quiet voice came. "Can I come in?" he asked sweetly. Sephiroth continued to pace, he didn't even hear his friend. "Fine, I'll just come in." the doorknob turned and the door opened. Zack's eyes widen as he saw the general pace back and forth. He lifted an eyebrow at the scene. "Sephiroth... are you okay?" he asked, concern creeping into his voice. Sephiroth looked over to his friend, then went back to pacing.

_Okkkaaayy... _he thought. _Not as easy as I originally thought. _An idea flitted through his puny mind(which is bigger than Cloud's) "Where's the Masamune, Sephiroth?" it was rather strange to see Sephiroth without his beloved sword. Sephiroth stopped in his tracks and looked over to Zack.

"What would you think about becoming one of Hojo's test subjects?" Zack fell over, but quickly recovered.

"What the hell do you think!? I don't want to be one of Hojo's goddamned _experiments_!" Alex walked up behind him.

"I should hope not," she said. Patting his shoulder.

"Figures." Sephiroth went back to pacing. Alex's eyes widened.

"Is this Sephiroth?" she asked. Zack nodded. She frowned. "What's wrong with him?" Zack shrugged

"Beats the hell out of me," he said as he put his arms behind his head.

"How about getting him a Slurpee?" Sephiroth asked Zack. Zack tilted his head. Sephiroth shook his head and resumed pacing. Alex exchanged a worried look with Zack.

"Do you have any idea what he's talking about?" he shrugged.

"Somethin' about Hojo. That's about all I know." She frowned.

"Sephiroth, what's wrong?" he looked over to her, then resumed pacing.

"Hey Seph, how long you been doin' that?" Sephiroth kept his eyesight on the floor.

"About a little over six hours." Alex blinked a few times.

"Does he do this often?" Zack shook his head.

"No. He doesn't pace unless something really bad happens..." he trailed off, trying to think of what had happened. He walked back out to the couch, Alex followed him. Just as they both sat down, there was a knock at the door. ZacK sighed. Pulling himself off of the couch, he walked to the front door.

When you enter the front door, there is a solid wall that extends to the doorway to the kitchen on your left, on your right is a half a wall that is about half the length of the opposite one. Continuing on the right side, there about a five foot space, then a leather couch. Then it reaches the wood floor. The living areas have carpet, while the walkways have wood floor, and bathrooms have tile. Each walkway is five feet long. If you head strait, you'll reach about mid-section of the couch and a doorway that leads to the kitchen/dining room. Continuing forward, you'll reach Sephiroth's room right at the end of the front hall, Zack's is to the left, while to the left is a guest room and a bathroom. That's their wonderful layout. Plus, they have a plasma television, just wanted to add that.

Zack opened the door. It was a scientific looking man. Zack frowned st him.

"What do you want?" he asked icily. The man gulped.

"Well... uh..." he began.

"Continue..." Zack made a rolling motion with his hands. A second man behind him talked.

"We were informed that two men flew out of the general's window at about one o' clock this morning." Zack blinked, looked to Sephiroth's open door, looked back to the men, then his girlfriend, back to then men, and then blinked again. He opened his mouth, then closed it. Opened it again, then thought against it. He stepped aside and gestured them in. After the two walked in, he closed the door.

"Why did they fly out of the window?" Zack asked while quirking an eyebrow. The men looked at him.

"We're trying to figure that out," the first one said. "We need to speak with Sephiroth." Zack sighed.

"Who are you?" he finally asked.

"Dr. Fred and Dr. Jole." the second one stated, pointing first to himself and then to the other one.

"Well, that's all fine and dandy." Zack said, tilting his head back. "But why do you need to speak with Sephiroth?"

"To find out why the two men fly out of the window," Dr Jole said, getting irritated.

"I wouldn't talk to him right now." his warning went unnoticed as the two scientists entered Sephiroth's room and closed the door. There was some talking from the two men, then Sephiroth, the two men, silence... then screaming, fading screaming... going down, down, and down. Zack burst open the door, only to find Sephiroth siting on his bed seemingly attacking a picture if Hojo with a small knife. Zack blinked a few times.

"What happened?" he asked. Sephiroth didn't look up as he continued to attack Hojo's face.

"I threw them out the window," he replied calmly. Zack blinked a few more times before he ran over to the window and looked down. He spun back inside.

"Why the hell did you do that?!" he yelled at Sephiroth. Sephiroth just continued to attack Hojo.

"They asked me to do exactly what I did with the two men that 'flew' out of my window and landed on top of two guards." Zack blinked. "So I did, though I'm not sure anyone's down there though." he continued to attack the picture. "What do you think about getting Hojo a milkshake?" Zack was gaping, his eyes wide and shoulders crushed under the weight of an unknown force.

"What is it?" he asked Sephiroth. "Hojo's birthday?!"

"No," he replied. "I'm thinking of a way to distract him..." Sephiroth stopped killing Hojo's head and looked over to a very confused Zack.

"Distract him from what?"

)()(

Sephiroth

Sephiroth

Veni, veni, venias,

Ne me mori facias

Veni, veni, venias,

Ne me mori facias

A/N: Okay. I only make Sephiroth act really stupid when I'm a) bored and b) hyper. Can't tell the difference at this moment though.

Disclaimer: Don't own the ShinRa, Hojo, or Zack. These things belong to Squaresoft... enix... Square-something. McDonald's and Big Mac are McDonald's. Slurpees are from 7-11, and on June eleventh, you can get a free slurpee with your purchase at 7-11. I do own Dr. Fred, Dr. Jole, Alex, and I sort of own the word 'efa.' It means, I don't really care. So does 'shmo,' and 'feh.' Shmo is my favorite word that I created, and 'feh' belongs to Inu Yasha... that's where I got it from at least.


	3. The list and raid

A/N: Thank you for reviewing, Essence of Doom. I am still bored and still running out of ideas, but with luck... I'll be able to finish the One Winged Angel, that includes the American part and added verses. Well, in the last chapter I'll stick it in anyway. Wait... do you actually like my writing or... )shakes head( ...getting a little off topic there. Breath deep, no one likes your writing. Everyone hates you. There )smiles( I feel better! On with the utterly pointless stuff...

Veni, veni, venias,

Ne me mori facias

Veni, veni, venias,

Ne me mori facias

Veni, veni, venias, Gloriosa

Ne me mori facias Glenerosa

Veni, veni, venias, Gloriosa

Ne me mori facias Glenerosa

)()(

Sephiroth sat there. Zack stared at him in utter disbelief. Annoyed, Sephiroth went back to stabbing Hojo's face with his knife. Zack blinked.

"How many Hojo pictures do you have?" Zack asked, forgetting the question he had just asked and remembered how Sephiroth had taken out a brand new photo of Hojo on several occasions...

-Flash back-

(_On the Wutain front_)

"Hojo disgusts me!" Sephiroth said as he stomped in.

"I agree with you there buddy," Zack said turning a page in his magazine. He was laying on his stomach upon the bed across from Sephiroth's. He looked over as Sephiroth took out a small knife and continuously stabbed a Hojo picture. Frowning, he went back to his magazine.

(_Later... when they got the cat_)

"You evil demon!" Sephiroth screeched, chasing after the cat with an unsheathed Masamune. "Return my property at once!" Zack watched as the Sephiroth chased the cat throughout the apartment.

"What's wrong?" he asked Sephiroth as he sped after the demonic cat. Sephiroth stopped and gave looked at him, his eyes purely set on killing the cat.

"That demonic monster stole my knife!" he yelled, pointing to the cat's tail. Zack shrugged.

"I don't see what the big deal is." he shrugged again. "You can always buy another."

"No," Sephiroth made a gesture, which made Zack confused. "That's my Hojo killing knife, no knife can takes it's place."

"Right..." Zack nodded. "I'm just going to be in my room now..." he walked into his room and locked the door.

(_In a meeting_)

Zack peered over to Sephiroth, who was doing something strange under the table. As the other executives talked, Zack pretended to take notes, leaning closer to the table. He was able to see Hojo's face and a knife going in and out of it. He sweat dropped.

-End Flash back-

"Too many," Sephiroth said coldly, still whittling away at Hojo's face.

"Like how many too many?" Alex asked. She always seemed to walk in right in the middle of a conversation. Zack tilted his head at her.

"Try five hundred," he said under his breath. The boyfriend and girlfriend looked at each other in amazement.

"How'd you get so many?!" Zack asked.

"When I was younger," Sephiroth said, still attacking the now deformed Hojo picture. "I asked him to give me a photo of himself every time I came in."

"Wouldn't you have more then?" Sephiroth nodded.

"I've started destroying more recently..." he trailed off as he let the picture flutter to the ground.

"Why?" Sephiroth smiled.

"That's why I need a distraction..." he smirked at Zack.

"To get more pictures?" Alex sighed and put up a hand to rub her head as Sephiroth shook his head.

"To get **_it_ **back." he couldn't say the name of his beloved sword. And well, Zack was horribly confused. He mistook Sephiroth's 'it' for something else... I'll let your dirty minds think in overdrive at this moment, trying to think what Zack thunk. Okay...

"I'll help you!" he said happily, raising his fist.

"So will I!" Alex also raised her fist into the air.

"That's wonderful," he said, waving the alliance away. "But, I can't think of a plan good enough to distract Hojo..."

"We could use Zack!" Alex smiled peppily. Zack gave her a look of fear and anger... feagner! Sephiroth shook his head.

"I already thought that one through..." Zack frowned, he had actually thought of him for a test subject for Hojo! Life was cruel and unusual for him, it was.

(_Sometime and a list of failed plans later..._)

"Okay," Alex sighed. They sat at the kitchen table, thinking up ways to distract Hojo. "Here's the list again." she handed Sephiroth the list. It read:

'1. Throw Hojo, or one of his students, out the window and as the others watch said person fall, we will steal back 'it.' (Z)

2. Give them all sour patches and walk past them to retrieve 'it.' (S)

3. Make an experiment go wrong. (A)

4. Disguise ourselves as scientists and take 'it' from under Hojo's nose. (Z)

5. Make Hojo read Fan fiction from about his ultimate demise. (S)

6. Drag Rufus down to distract Hojo while we steal 'it.' (A)

7. Kill someone with some mako, then ship them off to Hojo's lab. We follow and steal back 'it.'

8. Tell Hojo that Vincent will awaken in a few years. (S)

9. Drag Scarlet down to distract Hojo. (A)

10. Break something in his lab. (Z)

11. Tell Hojo that I will go insane in a few years, burn Nibelheim to the ground, get drowned in mako, summon Meteor, and die. (S)

12. Drag Hojo to a strip club. (A)'

"Hey Seph," Sephiroth nodded to Zack. "You're ideas don't make a lot of sense." Sephiroth blinked at him.

"Yeah!" Alex agreed. "Who the hell is Vincent?" she asked. Sephiroth shrugged. Alex frowned. "I need a break." she slammed her head onto the table.

"I'll take her back to her house," Zack said, getting up and slinging the red head over his shoulder.

"I take it I'll have the apartment to myself?" Sephiroth asked his friend. Zack waved back at him.

"Yep." Sephiroth looked down at the list again. Carefully, he put it down and went into his bedroom. Opening the closet, Sephiroth opened a box that was placed on the floor, he took out a photo, closed the box and closet, pulled out his knife, and started to attack Hojo's picture.

(_About, well... twelve hours later_)

Sephiroth sat on the floor of his closet, his cat-like pupils adjusting to the darkness. He heard a thumping noise, another. Then another, then his window was opened.

"John," a familiar voice said. "We were lucky last time, he only threw us out of the window." Sephiroth looked through the slanted slits in his closet door, to the two men in his bedroom... again.

"Only?!" John practically shouted. "He should get demoted or something!" Sephiroth frowned. They obviously thought that he was gone. Sephiroth grabbed his knife. This was not only his 'Hojo killing knife,' but his killing knife in general. He just wanted to see what they were up to. Bob pouted. They had confirmed general sitings leaving the area, Sephiroth heard it through their walky-talkies.

"Great!" Bob said, sarcastically. "Now he'll run back in a mad rage and cut us in half."

"Shut up!" John opened the second drawer in Sephiroth's dresser. "Cool!" he picked up one of Sephiroth's leather pants. "These are long..." Bob said nothing.

"Aren't we here for his underwear." John sighed.

"Yeah, now we have to get ones that are actually from his dresser." He flipped through the drawer. John shook his head. "Next," he closed the drawer and opened the third and final one. In it were boxers and briefs.

"Why does he have two kinds?" John shrugged, then he brightened.

"He has briefs 'cause of the leather dumb-ass." he picked up a pair of briefs.

"What about the boxers?" silence... there was the sound of a drawer closing and foot steps. "You didn't answer."

"Because he..." John was interrupted.

"Because he would like to be left alone." a voice from behind them said.

"Well, that doesn't really make any sense..." he trailed off as Sephiroth hit in the back of the neck and let him slump to the floor. Sephiroth then caught John by the collar, and threw him out the window. He was shortly followed by his unconscious friend. Unfortunately for Zack, who was taking the long way home, he just happened to be under Sephiroth's window and the two pantie raiders fell on top of him.

"What the fu-!" he was muffled as John squirmed on top of him.

"Get up, Bob!" he shook Bob, who was laying on him. No, he didn't even realize that someone was underneath him. He's just that level of considerate.

"Five more minutes..." Bob mumbled. John sighed.

"Jesus Christ!" John smacked his head.

"For the love of Jenova," Zack corrected though the dirt. John blinked a few times and pushed Bob off of him, standing up and dusting himself lightly. His eyes darted.

"Who's there?!" Zack sat up, rubbing his head.

"That hurt like hell..." he mumbled. John blinked and then jumped back with horror. The black haired man looked up and saw a flash of silver in the window. "For the love of Jenova," he smacked his head. Then, he brushed himself off as he stood. He understood what 'it' was now. But, he had to ask Sephiroth. He looked to John, who had already taken off running, and Bob, who was slung over his shoulder, and a ball of white cloth in John's hand.

(_Back in the general's quarter's... again_)

Sephiroth was attacking another picture of Hojo while pacing. He could multitask very well, with Hojo dead. He would stay sane. Forever and ever. Zack barged in.

"What the hell did you do that for!?" anger clearly visible in his voice. Sephiroth stopped his pacing and killing of Hojo to blink a few times at Zack. Then, he continued to pace.

)()(

Veni, veni, venias, Gloriosa

Ne me mori facias Glenerosa

Veni, veni, venias, Gloriosa

Ne me mori facias Glenerosa

Sephiroth

Sephiroth

A/N: I need help! I can't come up with anymore ideas! You read, so please review... )puppy dog eyes( ... something's wrong with me! Other than the fact that I'm insane, but... you all should have known that from my writing. Once again, I bow down to Essence of Doom, for actually reviewing my fic. I will try and continue as long as I get some ideas...

Disclaimer: I do not own Hojo, Sephiroth, the ShinRa, Rufus, Scarlet, the Masamune, or Wutai. Those people with the high IQ scores at Squaresoft do. I do own John, Bob, Alex, and the cat. All of the random ideas in the list are mine, except for Number 2. Gil to my dad for giving me that idea! And the idea for Twiss... but that's a whole different fanfic!


	4. Rough draft plan

A/N: Thank you Kato Shingetsu, Star Shadow and Dark Stratos, and drak-pheonix1. I will keep writing. But first I must speak with you reviewers. Hey, I just realized.... I'm on the English translation of those evi,l Latin lyrics!

Kato Shingetsu: I have no idea why not. But, I'll probably bring that in when they actually put a plan into action. And yes, I agree that the powers of the internet are ultimate, I know you didn't say that. But, do I care? No, of course not. We will join together and confuse Zack!

Star Shadow and Dark Stratos: I'm really not sure why there are so little reviews. I thank you for the compliment, though!

Dark-pheonix1: Thank you for the chant! It really does work! You are a writers block's worst enemy!

Velvetvixen: I hope to continue this as well.

Burning inside with violent anger

Burning inside with violent anger

Sephiroth

Sephiroth

)()(

"Did you hear me?!" Zack yelled at Sephiroth. Sephiroth paid no mind to the black haired SOLDIER as he continued to pace while making a design of a skull and crossbones on Hojo's picture. Zack frowned at the general. Sephiroth muttered something. Zack brought a hand to his ear and went: "Eh?"

"Pickled frogs feet with acne..." Sephiroth said a little louder. Zack held his position long enough to blink twice, then fell onto the floor.

"WHAT?!" he had no clue as to what Sephiroth was talking about.

"Just as I said:" Sephiroth stopped pacing and killing Hojo in order to look over to Zack. "'Pickled frog's feet with acne.'" Zack blinked again. "I can't think of anything else..."

"You're serious?! Please tell my that you're not serious..." he put his arms out in a praying gesture. Sephiroth nodded.

"I'm serious." Zack fell to the floor with a muffled thump and buried his face within the carpet.

"Why?! Why me?!" Zack cried pitifully. Sephiroth shrugged.

"I'm not sure..." Sephiroth went back to pacing. Zack sighed and sat up.

"What exactly is 'it,' Seph?" he was terribly confused, and this was the opportunity to make him even more so.

"If Hojo and the darts are destroyed, the darkness that is Scarlet will attack without warning. Masamune will be broken with the sour patches..." Sephiroth went back to killing Hojo and mumbling under his breath.

"Eh?" see what I mean? He was now sitting on the floor, his legs in front of him, scratching his head.

"We need a distraction..." Sephiroth said loud enough for Zack to hear. Zack scratched his head. "A distraction big enough to make ever one look away..." Zack groaned.

"Why not just make Shinra go down there and bug Hojo?" Zack fell onto his back. There was silence. "Don't tell me you never thought of that..." he mumbled.

"I never thought of that..." Sephiroth said. Zack smacked his head and groaned. "Thank you, Zack." Sephiroth stepped over his friend and walked out of the apartment as Zack had a few spasms.

(_In President Shinra's office_)

"So..." Shinra was very confused. Sephiroth sat across from the man in his very large office out looking Midgar.

"I need you to talk with Hojo, in person." Sephiroth still had his composure. The head of ShinRa tended to get confused a lot.

"Why?" was all his reply. Sephiroth panicked a moment. Then a thought came into mind.

"He needs to show you something." that was the best he could do on such short of a notice.

"What, pray tell, does he want to show me?" Sephiroth shrugged.

"Even I am unsure at this moment in time." _What experiments are Hojo doing at this time?_ The president nodded.

"I will be there tomorrow at nine." Sephiroth took his leave.

(_Back at the apartment..._)

Zack laid in Sephiroth's doorway, asleep. Sephiroth stood over him, annoyed at him. Sephy kicked him in his side. Zack stood up with a jolt and hit Sephiroth in the chin with his hedge-hog hair. As Sephiroth rubbed his chin and walked into his room, he basically slammed the door in Zack's face. Zack, being as he was, was very confused.

"Eh?" he walked to his room and let himself fall onto his bed and into a deep slumber. He was awoken by two voices.

"Are you sure this is the general's room?" Bob asked, his voice reaching a falsetto.

"Yes!" John said, agitated. "There's someone in the other room, so this has to be the general's." Zack blinked in the darkness, but remained silent.

"Which drawer was it?" Bob asked. There was a sigh and a smack.

"The last one." There was some ruffling.

"What ya' doin'?" Zack asked sleepily.

"Putting the general's underwear back in it's drawer." there was another sigh and a smack.

"You wouldn't happen to be the general, would you?" John asked. Zack shook his head.

"Not that I know of..." he thought a little. "Unless Seph got killed recently..." he took thought to that.

"So you're not the general?" Zack shrugged.

"He said that he wasn't."

"No he didn't." There was a closing of drawers and the window opened. He could see their figures against the moonlight. They were the men that landed on top of him earlier. He got up and walked over to them, noting that John still held Sephiroth's underwear. Upon reaching the duo, he frowned and pushed them out of the window. There was some screaming, fading into the darkness. Then a loud thump and a few groans. Zack sighed and climbed back into bed.

(_Sometime around 5 am in Zack's bedroom_)

Zack opened his eyes, and saw Sephiroth's head next to his. He jumped up and pushed himself up against the wall. Apparently, Sephiroth had a plan. As by stating:

"Zack, I have a plan." he stood up and walked out of the door. "Follow me." Zack followed Sephiroth into the kitchen and sat down in a chair. Sephiroth had apparently gone through the trouble to make story boards. He handed them to Zack.

"Oh, joy." Zack said sarcastically. Sephiroth began his explanation of the plan. Zack went through the storyboards, lifting an eyebrow at the end. "Are ya' sure it'll work?" Sephiroth nodded.

"I have everything set up."

)()(

Burning inside with violent anger

Burning inside with violent anger

Sephiroth

Sephiroth

A/N: All plans will be revealed next chapter. I have the layout within my mind. Sorry, it's short. But, it's close to the climax! Or, somethin' like that... What do you think of the song with the fic, now that you know what some of it means? Tell me if ya' like it in a review! That includes the fic itself.

Disclaimer: I do not own Sephiroth, ShinRa, Shinra, The One Winged Angel, Scarlet, Hojo, Zack, or 'it.' Squaresoft does. I do still own John and Bob. Bob is a good name.


	5. Putting it to action

A/N: Essence of Doom, KT, and Kato Shingetsu. Take note of them, for they have reviewed this story. It's now time to talk to the Reviewers! Wow, I feel like the host of a game show.

Essence of Doom: I only say that no one likes my writing and stuff to keep me from getting lazy. If I compliment myself, I just sit back and wait for more compliments. That's why I stated that no one liked my writing. Get it?

KT: Yes, Sephy have gotten a little more insane. But, I'm not sure if he's reached the phsyco bar yet... but he's gotten oh so close.

Kato Shingetsu: Finally! Someone who's company I can feel... well, random in! Not to mention happy that there is a fellow person who wants utter chaos...

Fate, monsterous and empty

Fate, monsterous and empty

Burning inside with violent anger

Burning inside with violent anger

)()(

"So," Reno said, taking a sip of his coffee. "The general finally gone off the deep end?" Zack pulled his head of off the kitchen table to stare at the Turk.

"More like dove off and went for a swim." Reno blinked, then started to laugh. Zack let his head hit the table with a thud, again.

"So when does the operation start?" Zack held up nine fingers. "Ninteen o' hundred, great." Reno got up and headed for the door. "I'll be there." Zack lifted his head up as the door closed and sighed.

"What an idiot." Sephiroth came in and was wearing a black robbers outfit.

"Get dressed," Sephiroth threw him a uniform.

"Are you crazy?!" Sephiroth shrugged.

"I depends on your meaning of crazy." Zack sighed and changed into the outfit. The less they fought, the better.

(_At exactly 8:58 am_)

"Are you ready?" Sephiroth said through the wakkie-talkie.

"Roger," Elena's voice came through.

"Roger, sir." Rude said, probably doing a salute as well.

"Ready, my beloved." Sephiroth put the wakkie-talkie back into his belt.

"Are you ready?" Zack nodded.

"But, are you sure this'll work?" Sephiroth nodded and kicked open the air vent.

"We just wait for the signal..."

(_Hojo's lab, 8:00 am_)

Shinra walked in on Hojo, who was cleaning up after his latest experiments. Tseng was by his side, grumbling about how it would be safer to go live in the bowels of Hell instead of visiting Hojo.

"Hello, Hojo." Shinra startled the small scientist.

"Why, hello president Shinra. I was just thinking about you." the president grimaced inwardly. "No, no not about that..."

(_Five minutes later_)

"...And that is seemingly the knowledge of the Ancients." Tseng was eyeing all of the experiments while the president gave a closer look at Jenova.

"Fascinating..." he looked over to Hojo and was about to say something when...

"The British are coming! The British are coming!" Elena came running through the labs to Tseng and the president, sweating and seemingly out of breath.

"Who are the British?" Hojo asked Elena. She took a breath and decided to restate her answer.

"Are they a threat to ShinRa?" Why did they want to know? Just then Reno ran in.

"Sir, sir!" Reno blinked in surprise, he obviously expected Tseng to be alone.

"Yes, Reno?" Reno took in a deep breath.

"The red coats are attacking! The red coats are attacking!" Reno took in another breath, but Tseng put his hand over Reno's mouth.

"Why didn't you just shout it for all of ShinRa to hear," he gestured toward Elena. "Like Elena here." Elena blushed slightly, but then the PA buzzed with Heidegger's voice.

"Sir, there is an army to the North!" The president blinked a few times. "Please report to you office, quickly!" Shinra, followed by the Turks and Hojo -who just wanted to know who the British were-, all ran to Shinra's circular office.

"My god," Elena breathed. Below them, to the North was an army. A giant army that wore red coats with a white stip on them and a strange form of muskets attacked to a sling on their shoulder. The squadron came closer, then Scarlet's voice came through on Shinra's radio.

"Don't worry!" she cried joyfully. "They will die!" there was gun fire. Then, the red coated men, a.k.a. the British, took satnces. The first row kneeled down onto one knee and amied their muskets, while the row behind stood and aimed.

(_So very close to Hojo's lab_)

"What's all that noise again?" Zack asked. He was in front of Sephiroth, since he knew that he would be able to get away if behind the general. Sephiroth sighed.

"Did you already forget the plan?" Zack blinked.

"Ohh. No." Sephiroth gave him a push.

"Then keep going, the plan isn't going to keep them distracted all day." Zack sighed and continued down the metal passage.

(_On the battlefield, red coats_)

"How long to we have to wear these?" a regular asked his college, who stood beside him in an equally degrading outfit. He shrugged.

"I'm not sure Bob, but it better be worth it." Bob nodded as they continued to fire upon Midgar.

"You know John," Bob looked over to his friend. "This has always been a dream of mine." John shrugged and continued to fire upon the vast city that covered the wasteland.

"We're almost ready, ma'am." Rude said into the radio on his suit collar. "We just need confirmation from Sephiroth and Zack."

"Roger, Rude." her voice came through loud and clear.

(_Oh, so very close to Hojo's lab now..._)

Zack pushed open the vent and crawled through into Hojo's lab. He blinked, everything was still running... and it was so bright.

"Did you know that everything was going to be running?" Zack said, turning to look at the now standing general behind him. Sephiroth nodded.

"Yes, that's why we wore black robber suits." Sephiroth smiled evilly. Zack sighed as the general walked past him and into the storage room. He kicked off the lock on a very large cabinet and pulled out his...

"That's why we're here." he pointed to the 7' sword in Sephiroth's hand. Sephiroth smiled and headed back into the air vent, latching the Masamune onto his back. Zack sighed and radioed the confirmation.

(_Back on the battle field, red coats _-a.k.a. ShinRa soldiers)

"We have confirmation!" Rude leaned forward and got into postisition. "We have confirmation, Scarlet." he said through the radio. "It will happen in five, four..."

(_With the executives, plus a majority of the Turks_)

"I will unleash my new weapon upon them!" Scarlet cackled through the radio. "In three, two, one!" there was a blinding light. It lasted for about five seconds and then all of the tropps laid on the ground, seemingly motionless. Scarlet started to laugh uncontrollably and cut herself off.

"That was amazing!" Hojo said. "I must go document this!" Hojo scurried to the elevator and rode it down to his lab. Elena shrugged and went down the stairs.

"Hey, wait up!" Reno ran after her and they both tripped down all of the flights of stairs in the building... OUCH! Shinra and Tseng were now confused with what had happened as Scarlet's clean up crew came and took the bodies away.

)()(

Sephiroth

Sephiroth

Come, come, oh come,

do not let me die

Come, come, oh come,

do not let me die

A/N: You are probably confused with this plan, so I'll explain it to you.

8:58- make sure everyone's prepared.

9:00- Shinra and Tseng interrupt Hojo's cleaning. Hojo decides to tell them about his most prized project. Sephiroth and Zack enter the air vents.

9:05- Elena will come in yelling: "The British are coming! The British are coming!" Two questions will be asked about them, Elena cannot answer.

9:07- Reno runs in yelling "Sir, sir! The red coats are attacking! The Red coats are attacking!" They all head up to Shinra's office after Heidegger announces an army to the North.

9:11- The party reaches the office and discovers an army. The army is dressed as red coast, but are really members of the ShinRa military.

9:25- Receive confirmation of retrieval of the Masamune. By using Reno's head as a reflector, the temporarily blinded the executives and made it look like Scarlet had unleashed a new weapon upon them.

9:30- Zack and Sephiroth arrive back in their bedrooms/apartment thing

Disclaimer: I do not own Sephy, Zack, Reno, Hojo, Rude, Tseng, Shinra, ShinRa, Elena, the ancients, or the Masamune. Square- yadda, yadda. Kato Shingetsu owns the part of the plan in which Zack and Sephiroth crawl through the air ducts. I do own most of the plan, Bob, and John. They weren't stealing panties!... not in this chapter.

Sephy: I still don't see why we couldn't use the Sour Patch idea...

Me: Do I look like I'm rich?

Seph: )looks me up and down( No, you look poor and like crap.

Me: Thank you... HEY! )steals the Masamune( It's mine now!

Seph: What?

Me: Now they'll be a sequel! Muahaha!

Zack: )takes Masamune and throws it over to Sephiroth( I'll be damned before I'm in it then.

Me: Alright! )walks over to him, evilly(

A/N: I'm planning on having one last chapter... maybe a sequel to this one. But it's Zack buster sword. )Shrugs( I'm going to try some pre-game stuff with Zack and Cloud. Then some after game stuff with Cloud and Seph. But, this one is almost over! Waah! I actually enjoy doing this! )Bell rings( I have an awesome idea! Once I finish this story, I'm going to make one about Cloud and his stupidity... And just 'cause this fic is almost over don't mean you can stop sending reviews!


	6. Afterward

A/N: This will be the last chapter. But, don't cry. There will be other randomness in other fics! Okay, before I get all sappy-like. I'm going to have to write humor. First, we go to the reviewers! )Audience cheers(

Essence of Doom- Why thank you. But, are you an egg? Or are you cracking eggs? Because it makes no sense to my puny little mind.

Kato Shingetsu- It was rather ingenious, wasn't it? It only took me five minutes of staring at nothingness to think up the whole layout of the plan.

Come, come, oh come,

do not let me die

Come, come, oh come,

do not let me die

Come, come, oh come, (glorious)

do not let me die (noble)

Come, come, oh come, (glorious)

do not let me die (noble)

)()(

Sephiroth sat at the table, hearts popping around him and his beloved sword. Reno was staring in confusion while Zack stared in disgust. There was a knock at the door.

"Oh, no," Zack said getting up. "Don't get up, I'll get it." Sephiroth continued to hug the Masamune to his chest. As Zack opened the door, he almost died when he saw Scarlet. For, she had a gun pointed at him.

"Where's the general?" there was a loud squeaking of chair and hardwood. "Answer me Zachary." Zack winced at the use of his name. Reno stuck his head out of the kitchen.

"He's in here Scarlet!" Scarlet pushed past Zack and entered the kitshen. There was some rustling and a squeal of delight. Sephiroth was, shortly after, being pulled out by a very happy Scarlet. He had been bound and gagged, he now eyed Zack evilly as the door closed. Zack glared at Reno, who shrugged. "What?"

"No Seph'll kill me for sure." he slumped onto the couch.

"Do you know why she came?" Zack nodded.

"She was the one who did most of the cover up. She said that she would come for payment today..." Reno fell onto his face, in tears. Zack gave him a very worried look. That is, until Reno laughed. Zack sighed, Reno would forever and always be an idiot.

(_When Sephiroth was back at the apartment_)

Sephiroth staggered in, his sword unsheathed and his leather looking un sightly. Zack, who had been watching television with Alex, looked over to him wide eyed. Alex also turned her head.

"!!!" Alex put her hand to her mouth. Sephiroth's hair was uncharacteristically messy and tangled.

"Holy shit..." Zack muttered. Sephiroth turned his head over to them. His face was covered in kiss marks. He raised his sword.

"FREE THE REBELS!" and then, he collapsed onto the floor face first. Alex and Zack could only stare in disbelief.

"Seph, are you alright?" Zack shook Sephiroth's shoulder. But Sephiroth made no movement to deflect, or accept it. By carefully supporting him, Zack pulled Sephiroth into his bedroom and onto his bed. After locking Sephiroth in his room, Zack turned back to Alex and they continued to watch tv.

(_In Sephiroth's room, late at night_)

"Okay, we're going to put his underwear back." Sephiroth had woken up then. His hair has gone back to it's past perfection, his face clear of lipstick, and his leather became clear of wrinkles. How? Don't ask me. 'Cause it beats the hell out of me with a stick.

"Which drawer again?" there was some rustling.

"I'm not sure, John..." There was a drawer opening, closing. Then another one. Then another one opened.

"Found it." John whispered. Sephiroth got up and raised his sword, he had had just about enough of these two. "Bob, who's behind you?" No answer. "Bob?!" Silence, except for the _sing_ of the blade. Two bodies were thrown out of the window. John got up, as did Bob. On their uniforms was a Zorro-like S.

"AAAHHH!" they both screamed. Then John noticed that they no longer had the underwear.

"YYYYYEEEEEAAHHHH!" John yelled as they continued to run towards the barracks for the ShinRa military.

"Heh," Sephiroth placed the blade onto his bed as he retrieved a new Hojo picture. He placed the picture on the floor and grabbed the hilt of the sword. With one swing he slashed the picture into a million bits. He sat and took out a small knife and attacked the remnants of the picture.

)()(

Come, come, oh come, (glorious)

do not let me die (noble)

Come, come, oh come (glorious)

do not let me die (noble)

Sephiroth

Sephiroth

A/N: short and sweet. I couldn't think of anything else, and John and Bob must live. 'Cause I might make a sequel. I just need an idea... nope none. I was watching Tom and Jerry, and I imagined Sephiroth to be Tom and Cloud to be Jerry... until something bad happened to Tom, then I just pretend I never imagined anything... Here is one of the alternate lyrics:

Go now, if you want it

An otherworld awaits you

Don't you give up on it

You bite the hand that feeds you

All alone, cold field you wander

Memories of it cloud your sight

Fills your dreams, disturbs your slumber

Lost your way - - a fallen night

Hold now, aim in steady

An otherworld awaits you

One thousand years - - you ready?

The other world awaits you

Go, go into the sand and the dust in the sky

Go now - - no better plan than to do or to die

Free me, pray to the faith in the face of the light

Feed me, fill me with sin - - now get ready to fight

You know you will

You know you will

You know you know you know you know that you will

You know you know you know you know that you will

You know you will

Fight fight fight

Fight fight fight

Fight fight fight

Hope dies and you wonder

The otherworld it makes you

Dreams they rip asunder

The otherworld it hates you

Free now - - ride up on it

Up to the heights it takes you

Go now if you want it

An otherworld awaits you.

A/N: That now seems perfect for another one of my fics, but I already put it here so I won't put it there, 'cause I know you don't want to read it again.

Disclaimer: I don't own the One Winged Angel, Sephiroth, Reno, Zack, Scarlet, the Masamune, Hojo, or ShinRa. Square-somethin' does. I also do not own Tom and Jerry. I do own Bob, Alex, and John.

Sephiroth: It is complete!

Me: Yeah and you can go on with your take over of the planet and yada-yada-yada. )rolls hands(

Sephiroth: My what?

Me: BYE! )Runs away(

Sephiroth: ...?

Zack: You're supposed to go: 'Eh?'

Sephiroth: ?

Zack: )sighs and walks away( Your hopeless...

Sephiroth: ? )turns to me(

Me: )shrugs( How'm I s'posed to know?

Sephiroth: )shrugs( Your the author.

Me: )smacks head( you don't understand. )walks away(

Sephiroth: )tilts head( What?


End file.
